AJ's Page of Changes
AJ's Notes for Changes After reading the RP again. Here are my notes on things to change for the book. Just my opinion again. Also i'm giving notes on both the past and present RP. Some of these are not only my opinions but one's I think editors will have too. So don't be mad at me ok I only have good intentions. We can talk about it further when we actually start to write it. Some of these are things I think a future editor or beta reader would ask and an editors job is to gut novels like fishes so..... I think Erik needs to be changed so he is more realistic. Also, if we go into detail what happened during the revolt, we need to make the events more realistic. It's too god-modded. I'm going to be changing the way I've written Charlotte. Shes not going to change but the way I've written her. I feel like Charlotte running away is out of character for her ?????? I would like to change that if we can find out how. If it isn't changed I don't think i'm going to write anything in her POV for it. Tommy I think needs to go. Also Bear needs to have his named changed. We can say that Erik watched a young orphan boy but a kid who acted like an adult with a kid mafia is a stretch. Perhaps he got shot when they got defeated by the Eurovan army? I think the name Tommy needs to be changed maybe it can be Grigori I think we need to have it more obviously what the time period is. For example, clothing. We don't talk about clothing enough or is clothing accurate (most of the time) when it is mentioned We need to figure out what the book would be called. Idk if Uprising is a good title for it since over half if it is not about an Uprising. Erik is the son of Count Verraten, but from what I know about comital titles, that doesn't sound correct, it should be *Insert first and last name here*, Count of (insert land name here). Why does the palace seem to be only two minutes from The Slums? The city seems so small despite the fact that it is the RP equivalent to St.Petersburg. The same with Belinsky which is like our Moscow Are jellybeans HA? Why did Erik ask Bear to seek an audience with the King if in the next few posts Erik says he will see him the next day. Why not ask Bear to do that tomorrow? I think more of our men need to be a bit more sexist as it is 1907 and women haven't gotten the right to vote yet in America. Also, the women too. Queen Victoria, while she was a strong female in her own ways, believed that a woman's place is the home and did not support the suffragette movement. Similar things could be said about Empress Maria Theresa and Queen Elizabeth II. They have been strong women in the past, but were also women of their time. Fedoras aren't HA to my knowledge or trench coats or sunglasses. The Royal Family has really bad security CORSETS!! EVERY WOMAN OVER 10 WILL BE WEARING A CORSET. THEY ARE NOT OPPRESSIVE OR TORTURE DEVICES THEY ARE LIKE BRAS AND ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT. EVERY. SINGLE.WOMAN. UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT YOU CLOTHES TO FIT YOU AND LOOK WEIRD. I WILL RANT FOR HOURS ABOUT THIS. Men did not 'force' women to wear corsets. Men did not like corsets and thought they would legit make a woman's uterus fall out and other health problems. But women kept wearing them, why? Because corsets are great! and better than bras So, i'm pretty sure that you can not go into a shop and just buy clothing. Most clothing needs to be tailored to a person specific measurements. I think Cedric needs to think more about his country a little also need him to be more involved to. He disappeared during major events due to Gwen being gone. Charlotte was legit Queen for 3 days without a regent. We need to mention that more during those three days. I feel like we don't include any advisers or people talking to Nikolai about other problems in the country or show him doing his job. Nikolai is the King but we never show him being King. Cedric has a fiance who came with him to Karoleva and just disappeared. We need to fix that. Charlotte was legit shot by Juste and Nikolai still trusted him and it has not been mentioned since. I think Nikolai, Lilly, Lisbeth, etc are too trusting of Juste too soon. I think they need to have some hesitation. I mean, Juste literally killed Nikolai and many people and they're all like "Whelp all right". Nevermind about Lilly she like 10 so it makes sense. Lisbeth and Lilly are (were?) legit rebels and no one talks about that My Charlotte is coming out. I think it might be better if Lisbeth took met Lilly the first time after her parents died at the 400th ball and then met Tommy, etc. Idk I seems odd that Lisbeth formed such a close bond with Lilly after less than two days and her parents were just like cool with it. I think Lilly needs to talk about her past parents more?? Because they were her actually parents for like ten years before she met Lisbeth so she would have loved them very much. Lisbeth wouldn't be wearing pants, this is 1907. Also, she would know how to fight wearing skirts as she would have been wearing them her whole life. Skirts that almost touch the floor aren't hard to move it once you get used to it and walking skirts are a bit off the floor for ease of movement when walking. Her fighting would have to be changed to accommodate this. Also, knowing how to fight in a skirt is 100x more badass. I think Lilly sometimes talks and thinks too much like a grown up. She is like 10 (?)(This is from memory and I might just be thinking about Tommy) Lisbeth changes sides too quickly???? I mean was dead set on killing the Petrovans at the start of the RP. (From memory I need to actually finish re-reading the RP). I know Nikolai got her out of prison but I don't think that would change her entire opinion of the Petrovnas. Don't be mad at me Hatter Charlotte isn't going to have a dog. I was just doing it for the meme. Olaf can be replaced with Nikolai's fox. Every time the palace is called a castle We need to figure out what about the rebellion is going to be told. We don't need it all I think we should keep it where the whole story is a mystery. Children's dresses become longer as they get older. You start wearing floor length dresses when you are 18-21. But Lilly would be wearing a dress that's under the knee as she is ten. Showing legs for young girls was fine and she would be wearing stockings no question. It's NOT easy to rip off the hem of a dress to make bandages. You would need to cut it first and if it's made out of silk..well..good luck! Silk is really fucking strong. This goes for tearing off the hem of a skirt before fighting or tearing out the seams. Seams are though, especially with silk thread. I'm going to write more about things in the Edwardian era and put them under a history section somewhere. I think I put a note in the timeline on how Lisbeth wouldn't have the garter and knife set her had. But I just saw Hatter's chat post about seeing one in a museum so never mind about that. But I do wounder how she would access it. She would have to knell down to get it because if she did it while standing up she would reveal like a majority of her leg. So it would have to be on her lower leg (stocking don't go up to the thigh anyway) and she would access it by knelling down that way she doesn't flash anybody. The woman who rescued Alexandra was Evani Greyson, a member of the Elite Guard, which would of course have to change because there is no way in hell that a woman would be in the guard in 1907. Men and women are shaped differently so a woman would have to find a tailor to get a pair of pants made to fit a woman. Peter is too young to be enlisted in the royal guard or even be considered. Royal Family, and court life in general, if pretty formal. I think there needs to be a bit more formality. At least in public situations. For example, at the coronation. Also, Nikolai was way too informal when he met Isabella and Cedric. Meeting between Monarchs are big deals In Part One when Maria gets attacked by Mad, we need to get rid of that. Best if she doesn't get attacked at all because it happened in the middle of the coronation and everyone would have seen them just get up and leave. Isabella and Nikolai kiss way to much to a non married couple in Edwardian society. Since Karoleva is based of France as well as Russia and Denmark we need to start referring to people more by monsieur, madame, etc Since this in set in 1907 Russia basically, we NEED to add in all the etiquette of 1907 Russia. Now some etiquette would be high class, but etiquette wasn't just for the high class. The lower class would have etiquette too because they would be raised on it. Also, like today, we have a lot of unspoken etiquette too that we have been taught growing up. Same in the past, etiquette wasn't only for the high class. We need to incorporate more Russian culture (along with French and Dane) into the RP. I know it's mentioned but we need more. We are scrapping Amanda, and any other characters I may have created that are not Charlotte Since Stan does not show back up in the RP, does Dormin really need to find a source of money? Wouldn't the Emperor of Espana be funded everything? It's his war. Makeup in the Edwardian era focused on keep complexion clear with ointments and stuff. Things like mascara, lipstick, eyeshadow, etc were either not popular (unless you were an actress) or did not exist. Face powder and natural colored lip balm were popular. Makeup was supposed to be as natural as possible, as makeup being noticeable was quite taboo and not acceptable. It's like way to easy to get into the palace. While it's necessary in the RP to move the plot, in the book I think it needs to change because no one is going to believe the guards (especially if they have been trained by Justin) are that incompetent. The royal guard is expansive and has many measures in place to make sure no one unauthorized gets in. Have you guys seen the guards at Buckingham Palace? We should incorporate more Russian words in the RP. Usually the royal use French, which is historically accurate, but I feel like we don't see enough Russian There's mention of book about the Christmas Revolt but wouldn't it be too soon for anyone to write a book on the history of the revolt? Cedric and Isabella would have brought an entourage of servants, aids, advisors, what have you with them to Karoleva. In the book, we need to switch POV's as little as possible. Like for each scene, we need to figure out which character shares the most information in that scene or 'shows' the most if that makes sense. It will hopefully also make the book shorter as there is no way we can fit everything without it being slow. Also, I read a book once that switched POV's way too often and it got annoying very fast. Dormin is an ambassador but didn't have an kind of formal audience with the King I feel like we have too many non-Russian names for people. I legit think that having Charlotte run away was the worst decision I have mad character wise I had Charlotte cut her hair earlier but never mind about that Your highness does not equal your majesty. Your majesty is for Queen and Kings, your highness is for princesses and princes I feel like we should change all the "Devil" to the Russian word Also, in the entire city, which is the size of Moscow, not everyone is dirt poor. Like today there are many different incomes in the city and class. There are the dirt poor, the middling, the rich, the higher lower class, etc. While many are poor, not everyone is as poor as everyone else around them I think the chapter after Nikolai's death should start with the line "The King is dead, long live the Queen!" and Maria's POV. During the part where Isabella and Charlotte go to look for Maria we need to change it so that they don't check two different cathedrals.